The most burning question for all teachers out there is this : Why don’t you finish your assignment before the deadline? Oh if you only knew.
The first and foremost heathen that gives me the strength to do my assignments in the last minute is procrastination laid ease. It’s no joke when I say my brain and procrastination battle it out in my head on whether do the assignment well before time or not and well, you know who wins. I convince myself saying it’s not an issue, I just prefer doing all my work in a deadline-induced panic , no big deal, really (sweats intensely). This confidence also comes owing to the fact that I have made it out alive several times in the past. The feeling of rush going right up to the deadline (or even crossing it in my case) and having centuries old dark circles and blood-shot eyes after pulling an all-nighter sure is golden. It makes me think that if I can do so much in such short time imagine how much I can accomplish if I had more time (yes, only imagine).
Being an arts student, when it comes to my creative writing assignments a lot of brainwork is to be done. If it was science or math it would be plain rules or theories that I have to just jot down while having my ears plugged. I don’t really have to imagine or screw my brain for it but for creative writing I have to (although this makes it more interesting). Writing about philosophy? oh boy sign me up but there’s one small problem : I need the right mood, timing and inspiration for it. I want it to be good so I take my time to ponder about what to write and how to word my thoughts and for me this task is NOT a cake walk, more like walking on thorns. Interesting topics to write on make my mouth water but at the same time there’s this fear looming above me saying what if I don’t do justice to this? This fear mixed with the sheer will to do a good job exceeds all my deadlines (I’m aware this isn’t a very valid reason but my problems are mine), and then the assignments pile up, one by one, creeps up making sure my anxiety peaks. Most of the time I plan out the entire essay in my head and then there will be a small hole in it and my brain asks me to take it from the top. This process takes at least 30 attempts easily. I erase and then I re-erase and again re-erase until I like what I read. That feeling of dissatisfaction with what you write is all too real and the petrifying thought of your professor reading it is even more real.
Sometimes it is simply my poor prioritizing of my duties. It’s miraculously only when I have assignments up to my neck that I feel the need to do chores, clean my room, take a 2 hour shower, go outside for a breath of fresh air and read some good books. Basically everything other than doing the damned assignment. All this makes me eventually forget I had an assignment at hand and I coolly sit on my bed and binge anime for five hours straight. Mistakes were made that day. Let’s not even begin about my will-power to do my job. I will tell myself that I will sit down to write my assignment after 2 episodes of Haikyuu but then those 2 episodes feel so insufficient! This feeling goes on till I finish one season and I stagger out of my bed, all dazed feeling like I’ve seen God himself (sorry I don’t mean to be a weeb). I watch netflix all happily, * remembers I have an assignment due*, so I resume watching netflix stressfully.
If there’s anyone who has mastered the art of laziness it is yours truly. It just so happens that I’m drained of all my energy and motivation when assignments are given and get all fired up only the night before submission (it is because of the pressing due date after all). This habit is hardwired in me so it’s an onerous task to push myself out of it. I’m also great at giving myself excuses for not doing my work; like I can complete it quick anyway or it is easy or an angel will descend from the heavens to complete it for me ( *looks in the mirror and sighs*: “Why are you like this?”). I end up becoming a nervous wreck, panicking all day about the incomplete assignment and the deadline, anxiety above the roof that I can’t even think straight. On one side my brain tells me it’s okay, you decided this so reap what you sow, you’ll get over this also eventually and the other side rebukes me calling me names saying this is the trillionth time you’ve put yourself in this situation, you deserve to suffer more. In the end I just drown in all this chaos but guess what I don’t even have the time for my nervous breakdown so I hold it all in and just panic some more.
It is quite hilarious that I have piled up enough reasons to write a blog post about why students (me included) don’t submit our assignments by the deadline. This is low-key in hopes of our professors being more considerate over imbeciles like us but I know it is far-fetched. Either way it does not change the fact that I failed to do the bare minimum and I’m washed over with regret but will I do it again? probably (unintentionally of course).
I want to be multilingual, a musical prodigy, an artist, a poet, an honor student, working in a well-paying job, successful and happy but all I do sit on my couch eating three party-sized pack of Doritos and watching 2 seasons of my favourite anime in one sitting. You see my problem?
Serendipity 